If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
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