Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
