I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
