Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I want is dick and wine.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
