U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
