apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
