not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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