just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
