Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
