I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
