he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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