thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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