I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
