I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
