Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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