He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
