fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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