Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
