Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
