My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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