On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
