is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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