During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
