I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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