Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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