my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
