Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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