there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
