If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
