Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
