this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
