Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
