she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
