He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
