Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
