So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
