I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So much rum. So many feels.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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