I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
