Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
