She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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