I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
