hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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