pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
