I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
