Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
