You really coming over, don't trick.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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