I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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