why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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