Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
