I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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