Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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