Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i will never coherently bang her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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