Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize