I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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