Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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