If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
