Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
