My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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