just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't turn off my feet"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
