The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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