Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
