I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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