You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
