She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
