I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
