My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
