She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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