I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
