apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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