I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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