your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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