I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
