She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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