your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
